Say what you mean ... mean what you say !

Daniel and his Grandma - Summer 2011

Mom, I miss you so much. I had no idea that it was going to be this hard. I would do anything to have just another minute with you ! Just to hear your voice, be held by you, be told that you love me. I need you here with me. It isn't fair ! I miss everything about you. I can't believe it has been 3 months since you left !

That is what I wrote on my Mom's Facebook wall today !

Mom and I, at Tighnamara 

Daniel and his Grandma - summer 2010

Recently one of my brother's tried to say some bad things about her, and I wouldn't hear it. I mean seriously, how dare you speak bad about her ! What 
gives you the right to talk about her like that ? Who made you God ??!!   Fuck !  

I distanced myself from my family. I don't need extra stress right now.  I need to focus on figuring out how to get myself better and feeling better. How to get used to being here without my Mom.  I am working hard on that.

There are so many things that I wish I could say to her. I know she knew that I loved her, and that I was so grateful for everything she ever did for me. I know she knew all that.  Still I wish I could say it to her again.  I wish she could sit here with me, and we could talk. I miss the mother daughter bond we had... the bond of best friends.

My brothers will never understand the connection I had with Mom.  They cannot fathom it.  It is not something that they will ever feel.

November 24, 2011 -- last time I had a meal with her. In the hospital

and she only ate a bite or two. 

She passed away 8 days later.