Frustrated is Thy Name !

It's not a big secret that I am on social assistance right now. I have been since my ex and I split up, a year ago. I have made a lot of sacrifices in this year, and have still tried to come out on top. 

When my daughter was born, I filed for child support from my ex, so that I could get help financially from him.  Well social assistance takes that child support, dollar for dollar.  My ex was in the process of catching up on the support, which meant that one month I got almost $1100.  That also meant that I would not be getting a social assistance check, because that $1100 is more than I get monthly from the government. 


I claimed my child support, like I always do, this time it was lower, which means that I should have gotten something for my monthly check... nope, did not even get a dime.  Last month I got less child support, but they somehow believe I was given more, and I wasn't.. but, you can't fight them. "They" are always right. You go to fight them on something, and will always come out on the bottom.. you will not win.


So two months in a row now, I have had barely any money.  I still managed to scrape by enough to pay my bills and get my car insurance, get some gas for the car, and buy crappy food, because we still need to eat.  


I haven't had a good nights sleep in a very long time because I am so stressed out about it.


I mentioned it on facebook a week or two ago, about how I am struggling financially right now, and things are tough... and one of my brothers had the balls to try to talk to me about priorities.  Seriously !
I gave up my cellphone, I gave up cable, I lowered my internet speed, I barely eat because I need the food for the kids, we don't eat out anymore (except once a month), we don't go anywhere that costs money to do, my son can't go to birthday parties because we can't afford a present for them.  My daughters birthday is coming up in 2 weeks and I can't get her anything except maybe something small.  


You want to talk to me about priorities ?!!?  There is nothing else that I can take away from the kids and myself, unless I want to have us live outside. I don't have anything else to give up.  I am sorry I don't make a lot of money. I am sorry my back is so fucked up that I am unable to work. I live in constant pain, every fucking hour of every fucking day, and it is only going to get worse as I get older.  There is no cure for it, they can't fix it.  


I am sorry I don't have a perfect fucking life like you do. 


You try living my life, and having my worries everyday.  You try it, and then talk to me about priorities. Don't ever speak to me about that again. You don't have any right to talk to me like that. You have no fucking clue about my priorities in life. 


So this month, I will continue to be hungry, so that my kids can eat the food. I will go no where in the car, except to the school and home. I will stay home, in pain, wishing life would just give me a break. Or take me. I will sit and just wait, like I have done, and I will hope and pray, like I always do, that maybe next month, will be a bit better.