I know that I talk about my Mom a lot on here. This is all apart of my healing process. I was really hoping that I would have been done with grieving, and starting to accept her death, by now. Unfortunately I haven't been able to. I did not seek help when I should have, and I ended up in the hospital for wanting to kill myself, and to be with my Mom.
I miss her a lot, I miss her more than I have ever missed anyone in my whole life. I feel like my life has no meaning without her. I feel like I am being punished for something. She got taken away from me. That is how it feels. I keep thinking about how long life is going to feel, until I am able to finally see her again. I am almost in a limbo right now. I am just waiting. Waiting til I can see her.
Last night I wrote her a letter, while sitting in bed. I told her everything that I was thinking, and everything I was feeling, right at that moment. I told her how much I love her, and how much I miss her. Then I had a long cry.
After, I went to sleep. I had such an incredible sleep last night ! I woke up refreshed, and I was able to smile.
That was the first morning in a very very long time, that I felt like that !
This blog was intended to share my experiences as a single mom. Lately though it has taken a turn, and is now about me dealing with the death of my Mom. She was not only my Mom (whom also raised us as a single Mom), but she was also my best friend. Cancer took her away, at only 55 years old. So now this is about me, dealing with the horrible depression that comes along with losing a loved one.
My Mom and I :)
You've still got your kids. Every minute that seems like a day when thinking about her is going to feel like a millisecond when thinking about those two beauties of yours.
ReplyDeleteI love that you're so open about what you've been through and what you're going through. You're so strong. Some day you'll be able to look back at all you've done for yourself and your babies and see just how special you are