Hate July

You know what sucks ??  People who say they are going to do something, and then they don't.  Why go and say it then ?  Why promise my kids something, and then back out of it ?  You expect me to let you see them, or to have a part in their lives, but yet treat them like shit ? Sorry, not going to happen.

These kids are my lives. I would be nothing without them. They are the only reason that I wake up in the morning. They are what keeps me going, every single day.  

My son just finished his last day of grade 6, this week !  I can't believe how fast his schooling has gone already.  He only has one more year until he will be in high school.  Scary !

Miss Livi is walking, learning to run, and even now learning to walk backwards !  Really cute to watch a baby learn to walk backwards !  

I bought a new laptop !  It's an awesome, amazing, fast one :)  So awesome !  I also bought an xbox 360 with kinect, and a workout game. I figured that with all the crap weather we have been having lately, I haven't been getting outside for my walks. So with this kinect game, I can work out inside, and have fun doing so !  Downside to it, is that it shows you on the screen as well, and I look like a really short round person !  Trying not to look at myself when I am playing LOL

Two more days, and it will be 7 months since my Mom passed away !!  This month is going to be really hard as well, as it would have been her 56th birthday. This month is also my birthday. I will be 31.  Infact, her birthday was the day after mine. Which was great when she was here, as we always celebrated together. For mine we would spend the day together, and go out for an expensive fancy dinner, then have cake and presents. The next day we would do the same thing for hers.

This year I don't think I am going to celebrate mine. I am not even planning on telling my son that it is my birthday. I am planning on going to Rathtrevor beach where mom's ashes are, for her birthday, and spending the day there. 

I used to love the month of July.  I now hate it. 

Meltdown in a bathroom

Last night my son went for a sleepover at one of his friends. I had a movie night with myself !  I went on to Netflix as I hadn't used it for awhile, and was pleasantly surprised that they had updated the movies on it.  I watched a movie called The Greatest.   It was so good !  It was about a teenage boy and a teenage girl whom had shared one day together, but had crushed after the other one for years. The day they shared, they both lost their virginities to the other. When he was driving her home, they got in a car accident and he was killed. She went to his house 3 months later to tell the parents that she was pregnant with his child.

She moved in with them. They all helped each other to grieve over him.

It was a really good movie.

I went to get ready for bed, and found some pictures that were in a plastic box. They were my mom's pictures, from her house. I started going through them, and had a total meltdown. Crying and sobbing so loudly and violently. This continued for probably 15 minutes or so. Even wandered in to the bathroom to go pee, and still crying. Stand up and crumble to the wall, banging my hands and bawling my eyes out.

Then I felt better. All of a sudden, I felt better. As if it never happened !

Weird.

6 months !

Today marks 6 months since my mom passed away.

6 fucking months.


I did not cry today !  Actually, I woke up feeling okay, and it felt peaceful for most of the day.

Strange but welcoming feeling !